It’s the end of the summer…

It’s the end of the summer, it’s the end of it all

Those days are gone, it’s over now, we’re moving on

It’s the end of the summer, but we’ll see it all again

~  End of Summer, Theory of a Dead Man

 

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Life seems to be traveling at warp speed and I never find the time to just sit and think. When I do, I’m generally lost in thoughts too complex to put on paper… or it’s 3am. But this weekend is the first in a long season of cold, crappy, home-bound days spent cooking, cleaning, and [hopefully] writing.

Usually I see the seasons as an opportunity to reinvent who I am. I dig deep, find a new section of my personality and drag it to the top. I toss aside anything that might be boring or stagnant and brush off the new and exciting aspects of my life, whatever that may be.  As summer comes to an end, so too does a part of me. But this year, while I’ve put away the shorts, tanks and flip-flops and pulled out bulky sweaters, boots and scarves,  I’m hesitant to pull out a new facet of my personality. It seems that for once, I like who I am.

It’s been a crazy summer of discovery, friendship and awakening. I traveled to New Orleans, Miami and Atlanta. I made new friends, strengthened bonds with old ones, and began the long process of giving my children the wings they ultimately need for their own growth. I met celebrities (yes, DJs are celebrities too), got tattoos, discovered new bands…but most importantly, I realized I’m capable of having friends again.  Cresting a mountain surrounded by familiar, smiling faces is absolutely better than hiking alone! Having a beer and sharing laughter with friends makes my soul happy. Allowing people into my life for the first time in years has made me stronger and weaker at the same time. The vulnerability that comes with letting others in is a tough concept to accept, but the outcome is certainly worth it.

Perhaps I’ll just put away the summer attire and leave the feelings, experiences and lessons right where they are. Instead of falling back on old habits and getting stuck in the same routines, maybe it’s time to build from what I’ve learned instead of creating a world where I’m in control. Maybe, just maybe, reinventing who I am every season isn’t what it takes to grow. Maybe, just maybe, it takes facing who I am and embracing it.  Sure, summer is over, but autumn has only begun…

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