So much for publishing a blog each week. I’d love to say it’s because I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had a moment to write, but that would be a lie. Truthfully, I’ve written plenty. I just don’t like any of it. There are days I feel like nothing but junk comes pouring out, despite the concept being so complete and utterly wonderful in my tired mind. There’s a disconnect between my thoughts and the words that come from it. Somewhere between my mind and my fingers, all the greatness dissipates into something watered down and generic. So I have a lot of drafted blogs, abandoned once I realized it was impossible to get the true meaning and thoughts out there. They are, at best, mediocre. And maybe that’s my problem. I don’t allow myself to have mediocre thoughts. Or at least not publish them. Who cares that I’m getting more greens into my diet (and how) or that I went to concert and, after witnessing the mosh pit, recalled my high school gym class where a trust exercise required us to fall back into the arms of our fellow classmates? And that I flatly refused. I have never trusted anyone to catch me when I fall. And I still don’t. I prefer to feel the bumps and take care of them alone.
But, as six inches of new snow covers the ground on the first day of Spring, I’m looking for something to bring back the inspiration. I long to touch earth with my new trail runners. I long to feel the gentle warm breeze that is Spring. I am, like everyone else at this point, DAMN sick of snow. It’s more than just whining. I’m literally finding myself slipping back into a state of depression and my body is saying “enough is enough! Get me outside soon!” Sure, I walk the snowmobile trails. It just isn’t the same. I’m getting that “gotta get away” feeling and no amount of winter walking is going to cure it.
Because for me, Spring is more than just returning my feet to earth. As the birds return, the buds break free and my foot sinks deep into the mud, my mind begins to heal again. Ideas flow, creativity returns to my heart and head. I’m able to cope with the things that hurt me in Winter. I sprout ideas, grow happiness and my soul sings. It’s more than longer days and warmer weather. My body responds to the sounds, the warm breezes and the life exploding all around me… and it rejoices. It returns to the peace I’m so desperate to find again.
I suppose I could stop whining and move some place warm, but the seasons are very important to me…all of them. Perhaps the darkness of Winter prepares me for the explosion of joy I feel on that first warm day when I touch earth and it radiates throughout my soul. Can we have such joy without feeling such darkness first? But seriously. Enough freakin’ snow already…